Let me first say I am very sorry this is such a long post, but I wanted to take the opportunity to get everyone up to date with my journey.
Thanks
Mark
Sent: Friday, January 23, 2009 4:34 PM
Subject: Cindy Lewis Update 2009
Where do I start?
I wish each of you a Happy New year and I pray that God's influence in your life outweighs any hardships or discouragements you might have. As the song goes "I never promised you a rose garden" and neither did God.
It seems like years ago since I last wrote to you about Cindy and how she was doing. It is amazing how much things can change in less than a year. Even the list of people this email is going out to has changed dramatically. New caring and amazing people have entered our life since last I wrote.
About seven weeks ago Cindy received some blood work results taken at a three month checkup. The test indicated that here C125 tumor marker test showed some elevated numbers so Dr. Williams scheduled a PET scan to make sure nothing new had developed. We waited through Christmas to find out what if anything had shown up in the test. At that time all that the doctors could see was what looked like an enlarge lymph node next to her left renal artery which is close to her left kidney and her aorta. This raised a red flag and the doctor felt it would be best to do surgery to remove the lymph node and do a biopsy to make sure nothing more was there. On January 8th Cindy had the surgery and the doctors found a three inch tumor that was part of the lymph node. The tumor was removed and a frozen section determined it was cancer. Cindy spent three days on the hospital recovering from the surgery. She has been at home recovering for what will be a minimum four to six weeks.
We went for her first checkup Wednesday of this week. Dr. Williams sat down with us to talk about the pathologist results and to answer any questions we would have. She is very detailed and we both appreciate this. The pathologist results showed that the cancer most likely came back from cancer cells that were left over from Cindy's ovarian cancer. Based on what Dr. Williams said they found many dead cancer cells from the last chemo treatments but even if you kill 99.9% there is always a chance that the one cell that is left will multiply. The best news was that they only found the one tumor. Many times patients who previously had ovarian cancer will develop multiply tumors at one time. As before it is stage two cancer. This is good news because it has not advanced since the first time.
Now for the not so fun part, as if the other was fun. Cindy will begin chemo treatments next Wednesday 1/28. She will be on a six session schedule which will last approximately 18 weeks. On Wednesday she will start with a Carboplatin treatment then the following Wednesday she will have a Gemzar treatment followed by a Neulasta shot on Friday. The time period between each session will be 21 days.
Now more than ever we ask for your prayers as Cindy and our family work to get through this. I have stated this over and over in the past but it still rings true. God has surrounded us with everything we need to get through this. The fact that we have went down this road before helps us to focus on what we have to do to make it this time. Cindy more than anyone else can already see the goal line and is amazingly prepared for what is to come. This in turn is helping me to prepare for the bumps that stand in our way. As we pray each night for God's strength and direction I pray that each of you find something in your life worth praying for. It could be patience, love, contentment, peace. Mine happens to be my family and my wife's health. God loves us and he wants us to turn everything over to him in the good times and in the not so good times. He has not forsaken me and will not give me or you more than we can bear.
Thank you for your prayers and thoughts. I will let you know how Cindy is doing as we take this journey together.
Mark
Cindy Lewis Update 2/16/09
by Mark Lewis on Monday, February 16, 2009 at 3:19pm
Hello again to everyone and Happy Belated Valentines Day!
I hope you let the ones you love know it and will continue to show them that love everyday.
Boy a lot has gone on since I last wrote to you about Cindy. She made it through her for session of treatments and on Wednesday she will start the second session. The first session hit her a bit harder than we expected. She has a great attitude and is working to stay as active as her body will allow.
For the last two weeks our family has shared the same illness, like a family should! Cindy was not left out and as weak as she has been this did not help. We are all finally over the illness and are working on finishing up our antibiotics. YUM! I personally am thankful we all got sick after the first treatment instead of later down the road. Her body might be able to fight it off as well as it did early on in the treatments.
Cindy and I both have Facebook accounts and have been in contact with friends and family. A really cool thing took place this last week. Cindy was informed that she now has people in Australia and Korea praying for her. Is that awesome or what! The more the better! We have great friends and family surrounding us and God’s loving and nurturing hand always seems to pat us on the head and let us know he is there in control. He has made Cindy’s courage grow abundantly. This has helped mine to also grow.
I want to take this time to say thank you to both my daughters Emily 11, and Jeannie 9. They are both fantastic young ladies. Emily has had to grow up a little faster than her Mom and I would have planned. She is amazing! She is smart and intelligent. She is beautiful and compassionate with talent that she doesn’t even realize yet. I did not have the pressures she has when I was 12. I was busy blowing up JI Joes and such at that age. Jeannie is another precious girl and even at 9 you can see the hurt in her eyes when she worries about her Mommy. Most of the time she is fancy free as a 9 year old should be but at times she too feels the pressure of what we are going through. Please keep Emily and Jeannie in your prayers as they help Mom and Dad.
We feel the prayers going out to God for us and appreciate each and every one of you for what you mean in our lives.
Mark
Cindy Lewis Update 3/25/09
by Mark Lewis on Wednesday, March 25, 2009 at 1:26pm
Hello Again,
Sorry it’s taken me so long to give you a new update. Life has been busy and full of new and unexpected turns. Let me first say thank you to everyone who has taken the time to write encouraging notes and offered up prayers for Cindy and our family. Not a day goes by that I don’t get a phone call or an email letting me know that we are in someone’s thoughts and prayers. It is truly awesome to see and feel the presence of God in our lives. I pray he is working in your life also.
Cindy finished her third set of treatments last week. This means she is half way to the finish line. This is wonderful news and we thank God he helped her get to this point. I’m sure Cindy would agree that being halfway through is great but it is sometimes hard to not look at this with the old glass is halfway empty attitude. As I have shared with so many of you in the past weeks it is hard knowing ahead of time the pain and agony you have to get ready to put yourself through over and over. It’s like someone just broke your nose several weeks back and you have started to heal and then you go back to that person and say will you break my nose again so I will get better….. So is the nature of chemo and any other cancer treatment. Because Cindy is at the halfway point she has to have a scan done to make sure everything still looks good. This is normal but not without its anxiety. Please be praying for her as we wait for the results from the scans.
Have you ever felt like God put you in a place because he wanted you to learn from someone else’s actions? I have… I want to take a minute to share with you how God is encouraging me in my time of stress. In the past two weeks a friend has had to deal with a family situation that many people would simply run from. Most would throw in the towel and let someone else deal with the aftermath. Without giving many facts this friend has had to carry a burden and lead by example through what I would consider an overwhelming situation of heartache and stress. He has accomplished this with patience, love, character and with a great attitude. Most of us know that our actions say so much about who we are and what we believe. I want to take this opportunity to say thank you to my friend for giving me hope in what can sometimes seem like a hopeless situation. We all have people in our lives that do extraordinary things each and every day. Sometimes they don’t even realize what they are doing to build someone up. Make sure you let them know the impact they have had in your life. Strive to be an example to everyone you come in contact with. You never know whose life you will touch or how it might affect someone for years to come.
At this time when so many people are worried about the economy their jobs and what might happen tomorrow let each of us stop and reflect on the big picture. Do I have what I need for today?I do.........Thank you for letting me share my life and as always please continue to hold my family up in your prayers and thoughts. God listens and he shows each of us his love if we will receive and accept it.
Mark
Cindy Lewis Update 5/4/09
by Mark Lewis on Monday, May 4, 2009 at 8:40pm
Hello,
It has been right at six weeks since I last wrote to you about Cindy. In that time she has completed her fourth and fifth session of chemo treatment. This is great news since she only has one session of treatments to go through. She actually has this week off from any treatments. This will allow her to start feeling a little more normal before she starts up again next week. This last month has been harder than usual because of some initial results we received and pain that she has been having. In my last letter I mentioned that Cindy would be having a PET scan at her midway point to make sure nothing new had developed. This scan showed some areas on her liver that the doctor was concerned about. After more tests and scans it was determined that the spots were not cancer. Thank God. I'm sure you can all sympathize with the stress and anxiety we have been going through while waiting on all the tests results. Not long after this Cindy started developing some back problems. At first we were not sure if her back pain was related to the cancer. In my 17 years with Cindy I have never seen her in so much pain as she had with this back problem. After scans were taken they determined it to be a bulging disk (L5). This was not a new injury but an old injury that flared up after 18 years. The fact that Cindy has had to rest so much during the chemo treatments has contributed to this. Sometimes we don’t realize how important our ability to get around is for our bodies overall health. One thing leads to another and soon you have this big snowball. The doctors have her on a steroid and some inflammation meds along with pain killers to help her get through this and the chemo. We are very excited about the fact that she only has the one session to go. We are both looking forward to her health getting better in the very near future. As always pray, pray, pray. She is doing great considering all the bumps in the road. I believe this comes from the help that you give us each day with your prayers.
I want to take this time to thank all the woman who have made a difference in my life. There have been many but I want to recognize four that are very special to me. First of course is my mom who is a caring and loving woman. My ability to consoling others in a time of crisis is a gift my mom has given me. She is an inspiration to me and many others that she has come in contact with. I love her for this. Growing up in Arkansas and Alabama my other moms were, Hester Brown, Jane Simmons and Sharon Cherry. All three ladies were examples of loving Christian ladies who gave me attention, advice, friendship and spiritual guidance. Each one contributed to who I am today. I want to say thank you and I love you to them all.
Hester and Jane are both fighting cancer. My heart hurts knowing the pain their family is going through. God gave me these great ladies so that I could also make it through my trials in life. They are part of my strength and stability. Even in their time of trial they encourage me. Please add them and their families to your prayer list.
Happy Mother’s Day to all you Mom’s out there. I hope each of you has a great Mother’s Day and to everyone who has a mom let her know she's loved. To those who have lost their Mom give all the love she gave you to everyone you come in contact with. Remember all the great times you had and work daily to be an inspiration like she was.
God is awesome, he is loving and he said he would never leave us as long as we put our trust in him. He has a plan that we sometimes can't understand but we are promised a home with him if we trust him. Thank you again for your ear. It helps me to share my thoughts and I hope it can in some way encourage you to look around and see what God has given you.
Mark
Cindy Lewis Update 7/2/09
by Mark Lewis on Thursday, July 2, 2009 at 9:35pm
Hello,
I wanted to let you know what is going on in our lives right now. As many of you know from my last email Cindy was close to finishing her last chemo treatment. As usual she had to have a C scan done not long after finishing that treatment. We did not get the news from the C scan that we had hoped for. The scan showed several places on her liver so the Dr had a PET scan run and they found four small cancer spots and a small tumor on her colon. As you can imagine we are very concerned about this. Dr Williams recommended that Cindy start another round of chemo as soon as possible. She recommended that we use Doxil for this next round. Doxil is commonly used for ovarian cancer that is metastatic. For those of you who do not know metastatic is when your cancer has spread from its original place of origin. Doxil also has its on side effects like hand foot syndrome which causes the palms and soles of you hands and feet to turn red and very sensitive to pain. Cindy would not be able to spend time out in the sun or even rub her hands together because of the irritation this can cause. Another side effect is the possibility of heart failure. While this is very rare is still needs consideration. The doctor will be scheduling Cindy to have some tests done on her heart to make sure she is healthy enough before starting the chemo.
We decided to seek another opinion before starting this next round and sat down with a leading Dr at the Sarah Canon Cancer Research Institute. It was good to here from him that Dr Williams was treating Cindy with the same medicines her would have been using. While this gave me peace of mind that we were doing what could be done it also served as a reminder of how limited we are with options for treatment. We hope to begin this next round in the next week or two.
One of the biggest problems is the pain Cindy is enduring each day and night. The tumors on her liver are causing considerable pain for her. She is taking pain medication as needed and it is needed a lot at this time. If you know Cindy then know how she has always shied away from medication of any type but this pain is so strong and consistent she has had no choice. Please pray for this to go away. The Doctor said that the chemo would probably help the pain and we pray this will be the case.
I would also like to remember some friends and family at this time. In my last email I had mentioned Jane Simmons who was fighting cancer. Jane went home to be with our savior. She will be missed but I praise God for his great plan of salvation and the time he gave me with her in my childhood. Also continue to remember Hester Brown who is also fighting ovarian cancer. She is also going through chemo. One of my best friends and involvement minister Josh Whitson was in a storm when he was pined under a fallen tree. He is currently in rehab and is on the road to recovery. I want to again thank God for watching over him and pray he will fully regain his strength. He and his wife Olsa are tremendous friends and steadfast followers of Christ.
This weekend most of us will stop to reflect on our great country and what it means to us. Let us also remember that what we have comes from God. For that reason cherish each moment and give thanks for what you have.
Please continue to keep us in your prayers.
Happy 4th everyone.
Mark
Cindy Lewis Update 9-4-09
by Mark Lewis on Friday, September 4, 2009 at 2:38pm
Hello All,
Since my last email Cindy has completed three chemo sessions using the medicine Doxil. This has been very different experience from prior chemos. She has been having very extreme side effects from day to day and they are always changing. Some of the side effects are lose of appetite, vomiting, sensitive palms and soles of her hands and foot and very extreme lose of energy. On top of this is the fact that we have had to adjust her pain meds weekly to battle her increasing pain from the liver tumors. With this increase have come many side effects from the pain meds like hallucinations, day mares, and of course the inability to stay awake most days. All this adds up to a very miserable day for Cindy. On her good days we are able to talk about life and our girls. She longs for the time she will be able to get back out in the yard and spend more time at church and visit with our family in Alabama and here in Tennessee.
Normally this time of year Cindy is very involved in our youth groups Bible Bowl. For those who do not know this is a yearly event where children age four to high school study a book of the Bible and compete while answering 100 questions on that book. This is right up Cindy’s ally. She loves to teach and study with the kids. It hurts her that she can not participate this year but we have had so many friends who have stepped up to teach. It is awesome to see how Cindys illness has touched so many hearts and given so many the courage to step up and serve God. I can not count the times people have told me that they have become closer to God since this has happened. None of us know what Gods plan is, but we can be assured that it is to further his word and add to his flock through each of our lives, actions and reactions.
This journey has not been easy. Some days are much harder than others. Hope is harder to have on many days and time wears you down. With that being said each day God adds more and more to our lives. He surrounds us with people who are able to restore our hope and pull us through. I have stated this so many times in the past, that God put you in my life for a reason. He knew I would need you and he knew you would be there for my family. God has helped me grow as a person and as his child. He has strengthened my relationship with Cindys family and my own family. He has helped Cindy strengthen her relationships and her faith. God is great!
It has been a long two months for us and I wanted to share our lives with you. As always we have the best family, friends and support that God could give us. Every day brings a flood of cards and support from so many. Our lives are touched daily by you and you have helped us to continue this journey. Gods love abounds in everything you do for us. Please continue to pray for Cindy to be completely healed.
Mark
Cindy Lewis Update 9/29/09
by Mark Lewis on Tuesday, September 29, 2009 at 11:10pm
Last Tuesday we had to put Cindy in hospice care. God has blessed us with a great facility and staff to help Cindy be comfortable and pain free. Each day brings more changes in Cindy's health the biggest being the change in her mental capacity. Some mornings she seems to recognize and understand her surroundings and that is when we have our best conversations. At that time she looks at me I can see Cindy and know that she understands me and she is able to show me the love that we have always shared. As the day progresses her ability to understand us and our ability to understand her requests is diminished and sometimes unrecognizable. It breaks my heart when I can not fulfill every need she has or communicate with her to her satisfaction. I pray daily that God gives her understanding and peace for each day. Physically she has deteriorated from her previous state of health. We look each day for more signs so that we can make sure her pain is minimal and and that here comfort is the best possible.
The Alive Hospice facility we are at is amazing. God could not have put us in a better place for Cindy or my family. The staff is compassionate and each person has an experience that they bring to the table to help us through this. Again I praise God for the way he has always put us where we needed to be.
My family is taken care of each day by my church family and friends. They are an inspiration to everyone we come in contact with. They have feed almost everyone that has been at this facility since we have been here. God has used them to inspire and reach out to so many families in need of help and compassion. I am proud and thankful for the great people I worship God with. How do people so many people make it through a crisis with out such a family?
I also want to thank the people that have been helping me each day with my two girls and with Cindy. Mom and Dad I love you and I am the man that I am because of your love and devotion. Each day you work in the background to make sure everyone else has what they need. You are both special people and I am honored to have you as parents. Nancy and Joyce you are both sent from God. I could not have asked for better friends and Cindy could not have better cousins. You have both helped ease my burden with your experience and attitude to help me how ever possible. Thank you for your love at this time. Mike, Terri, LeeLee, Jason, Lee Ann, Bill, Donna and Micheal, you have all been here for me and our relationship has grown through this trying time. Thank you for your love for Cindy, my girls and your support.
We are still on this journey and I am still asking for your prayers for peace for Cindy and our family. God has provided everything that we have needed and I know he will take care of Cindy and my girls. Cindy will have no pain and I will have the peace that She is in Gods arms surrounded by love and understanding.
Mark
10/4/09
It appears that Cindy's condition might be in the last days or hours. Please pray that her suffering will end soon.
In Christ
Mark
Lewis Family Update 11/12/09
by Mark Lewis on Thursday, November 12, 2009 at 2:41pm
Wow I'm not sure how to start?
As you know my wife and best friend Cindy passed away October 6th. I can say that I have never loved anyone as much as I loved and love Cindy. My heart is torn daily by grief, memories, and the hurt that this has come to me, my daughters and our family. I know time will help heal but I don't want to heal right now. I don't want to forget or get used to the idea that she is gone. I want to always have this remembrance of her and I want to make sure I never forget what she has meant to my life. I am a different man because of her love and example. My children are kind, loving and giving in part because of their Mom. My life will never be the same because of her influence and because she is not here beside me now. There could never be a better wife, mother, daughter, sister or friend. God gave her to me to make me a better person and he took her back. In the last month I have asked why thousands of times without answer. I can not say why he needed her more than me but I can say that many, many lives have been changed and made better by her presence. Her spirit will continue in our lives and her example will continue to help lead others to Christ. For that I thank God and give him the praise and the glory.
The girls have been fantastic. They too have the assurance that God is taking care of Cindy and that her life was lived for him. This gives my great peace knowing that they have that faith. We take each day one at a time. Sometimes each hour but we are making it through. As those of you know who have lost loved ones sometimes the smallest thing can bring on grief when you least expect it. Recently I received a letter from Cindy's oncology Doctor stating that she wanted to write off Cindy's outstanding balance because of Cindy's influence in her life and her respect and friendship for Cindy. I know this is an amazing gift from God for her to do this but I found myself mad and upset over it. Why? At that time in my grief I wanted to make sure I could in some crazy way hang on to everything that was part of our life for the last two years. Even if it meant paying off this balance. I know this sounds completely insane but so is the grieving process sometimes. Since then I have realized what a gift it was and have been able to thank Dr Williams and her staff for their love, friendship and help. I realized now that I could still keep them in my life and thus keep this part of Cindy in my life. I know time will help but the hurt continues anyway. I will continue to grieve for the loss of Cindy but I will not stop living for Christ and I will not let her death be mine or my childrens end. God has a reason for everything on this earth and I now have another reason to live for him with my story of my Wife and her courage, faith and determination. She was an amazing women and I give God the glory for letting me be in her life her on earth.
Since last month many things have changed in my life. I have had to reevaluate my perspective. I have only two goals at this time in my life. Continue to raise my two girls as servants of Christ and to live my life to Gods glory so that I also can be with Cindy for eternity. I will finish this job and will make Cindy and God proud.
Cindy and I had talked so many times about what we would love to be able to do for God in the coming years. We were always scared to take that first step because of so many factors like financial restraints and a growing family. In Cindy's last three months we talked about what the future might bring and how I would deal with the lose of her if it came to that. Cindy always reminded me to let people know what we went through and what God was doing for us. She would say "you have a story to tell and I know you will tell it". While Cindy was quick to correct me on my grammar, spelling or bad habits. She was also my biggest supporter when it came to growing in Christ. I love her and thank her for that encouragement. Because of her I will continue to grow and will continue to work for God and her memory.
As of November 18th I will be leaving my job of five years to start a new journey. My immediate plans are to work in any ministry that needs me whether that be the local ministries here in Nashville or were ever God calls. I have a story and I'm going to share that story as much as possible. Please pray for my family as we take this journey together.
To my family Emily and Jeannie, Mom and Dad, Bert and Mary Ann, Mike and Terri, Lee Ann and Bill, LeAnne and Jason, Donna and Michael. I love you and need each of you in my life more than ever before. To my church and friends I love you and thank you for your support, encouragement, gifts and prayers.
I wish everyone a great Thanksgiving and a Very Merry Christmas to all of you. I will keep you up to date on our lives.
Mark
Lewis Family Update 12-14-09
by Mark Lewis on Monday, December 14, 2009 at 11:17am
Hello Everyone and Merry Christmas!
I wanted to give you an update on how we are doing and what is new in our lives. First let me say thank you for all the emails, cards and Face book comments in the last two months. They have all been very appreciated and many have helped me get through some very tough days. It has been said that you find out who your friends are when things are not going good and I have been extremely blessed to have so many good and sincere friends. God has truly blessed me with each of you.
The girls and I went to Alabama to spend Thanksgiving with Cindy's family. We have done this for several years and I do not want this to change. We had a good time with everyone and they were all glad to see us. As bad as this has been for everyone it has truly helped us to grow closer. I am closer to Cindy's family now more than any time in the past. They have all grown with us and we try to help each other as we travel through this time in our lives. Each of us has been dealing with this in a different way. God works differently for each person. His plan is amazing and sometimes very complicated but he has been here with us every step of the way.
Normally I put up lights outside and Cindy would put up most of the decorations in the house for Christmas. Last Thursday I finally made myself put up our Christmas tree. The girls put on all the ornaments. This was a very hard step for me to take this year. If I didn't have the girls I might not have put up anything this year. Now that it is up I do feel somewhat better but it still hurts.
I have been able to spend most of my time doing things for the girls. This is hopefully helping them but is definitely helping me. My peace of mind has been helped by the fact that I can be there for them whenever they need me. I have more time to spend with them and more time to spend working for God with church projects, helping my parents, helping at my daughters schools or taking care of projects at home that have been put on hold for the last two years. I have started writing my daily thoughts and experiences in the hope of one day sharing them. I have also been able to spend more time with God in my daily devotions. I know God has a plan for me on the horizon.
It is still hard to believe that Cindy is not her beside me right now. I know her spirit is here but it is so surreal to think about. One day your wife of over 17 years is here and the next day she is not. The girls and I have taken each day as it comes and we each try to make it through and stay positive. The girls are doing much better than I am most of the time. It is amazing what children are able to do. I remember setting in my bosses office several months ago and talking about what my family was going through and what the doctors were saying. My boss Nick reminded me that the girls would do great and how kids always seem to be able to get through losses better than grown-ups. Nick you were right. The girls are doing really well. Do they have bad days? Yes, but they are able to move on much faster then I am. I thank God for this. I on the other hand have good days but most of the time each day seems to lead to a thought or memory from mine and Cindy's past. Some days I deal with it and move on and other times I find myself caught in a mild depression. I have been working on dealing with this time and moving on when possible but it can be tough to do when so much surrounds me that reminds me of an event or a happy or sad thought. I know this will get easier with time but it is still very difficult.
My resent Bible studies have been in Romans and Philippians. Both are writings from the apostle Paul. They have helped me keep focus on what I am here on earth to do for God. My favorite scripture from this study has to be Philippians 1:21 - "For to me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain". To some this might seem morbid but it really isn't. While I am here on earth I am Gods chosen vessel. I have a job to do and God calls each of us to be doing something for him and his children here on earth. Therefore in everything I do and you do, it should be in Christ or as Christ would have done it. That being said if I work hard and do my best for Christ then dying is not sad or bad it is gain because of Gods promise to each of us that accept his son.
Thank you again for your love and compassion for my family. Please continue to show your love for your family and share God with them. Have a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!
In Christ
Mark
Lewis Family Update 1-27-10
by Mark Lewis on Wednesday, January 27, 2010 at 8:21am
Good Morning,
I have been asked by several of you to give another update on how we are doing and I wanted to do that this morning. As always thank you for the encouragement, prayers and friendship you give me each day. It has become such a big part of my live and a blessing that I don't know what I would do without it.
First and foremost in my mind right now is my second mother and family friend Hester Brown. As you have read in my past emails Hester is also fighting ovarian cancer and has been having some complications. Please keep her along with Fred her husband and Janet her daughter in your prayers. They are very special people in my life and as I stated Hester has a very special place in my heart and life. I have so many friends that have had losses recently. Mel I have been praying daily for you and your family. Others in my family to pray for are my brother and sister-in-law Mike and Terri, and my bother-in-law Jason. They are all looking for jobs and trying to raise their families. Also please add my brother and sister-in-law Michael and Donna to your prayers. They are trying to sell a house while paying two mortgages. No stress huh! Our economy is affecting many in my family and many others in our nation right now.
I also want to give God praise for many great things that have been happening in my life and my families. My brother-in-law Bill has been receiving great news from his doctors about a complication from his diabetes. At one time the doctors wanted to amputate one of his toes but this has completely turned around due to prayer, a change in strategy and the perseverance of Bills wife and my sister-in-law Lee Ann. Way to go Lee Ann! One of my best friends and spiritual friend Josh is doing great after having a tree fall on him this last summer at Bible camp. He is still working through it but is doing great. Also Drew Lewis who is my cousins Toni's son has just returned home from a two years tour in Iran. Drew thank you for your service. I'm able to write emails like this because of you and those that came before you. Pray that Drew can cope with this new change in his life and we all can be there for him.
It is hard to believe that Cindy will have been gone four months as of February 6th. It is hard to explain what goes through my mind each day. Recently me and the girls have finished some projects. We purchased a corner curio for our living room. We have been adding Cindy's Precious Moments and some personal objects that we love to remember Cindy with. We also found an oak glass display cabinet that we have put flowers from Cindy's funeral in. Thank you Mom for helping us with this project. It ended up being very beautiful. I have attached a picture.
Most recently I have been traveling, antiquing, and doing work at church as needed. We just had a lock-in for our 3rd and 4th graders this last weekend. We all had a very fun time but I was quickly reminded just how old I've gotten. Staying up all night doesn't feel the same as it used to if you know what I mean! The kids loved it of course and that was what it was all about anyway. Coming up in February our teens are going to Gatlinburg for Winter fest. We are all looking forward to the trip and the spiritual renewal.
Sometimes I sit back and think about where I have been and where I am going and realize that God is not finished will me yet. The last three and a half months have been trying and also filled with new experiences that I treasure and wish Cindy was here to share with me. But she is..... In my thoughts, in my decisions, in my love, in my anger, in my praise to God and in my humility to God. She is always there. What an impact she has had in my life and what a blessing she was and is to me now more than ever. I do believe that a person can love and be loved. Lose that love and go on to love again but I also believe that you can be lucky enough to have your one true love and when that one true love is gone the love shared is enough to continue and persevere for the rest of life. Cindy gave me that love. I thank her and God each day for that gift.
Each day brings something new. Each day has its heartaches and its laughter. Each day brings new experiences and challenges. Each day God is walking with me to help get me through. He has never left or forsaken me. He has always given me what I need to make it through each day. Right now I am studying the Proverbs along with my church. Wisdom is the overall theme of Proverbs and we have been studying whether wisdom comes directly from God or from experiences. I say both. We must ask God for wisdom to be able to open our hearts to it and receive it. But we also have to take the experiences from life and lean on God during them so that our eyes are opened to his wisdom and compassion. It is up to each of use to ask for this wisdom and open our eyes to it.
Proverbs 10:13-14
13. Wisdom is found on the lips of him who has understanding, But a rod is for the back of him who is devoid of understanding.
14. Wise people store up knowledge, But the mouth of the foolish is near destruction.
Thank for your ear. You have no idea what each of you mean in my life and how much God has blessed me with you.
Thank You
Mark
Lewis Family Update 4-6-10
by Mark Lewis on Wednesday, April 7, 2010 at 3:14pm
Hello Everyone,
I'm sorry it has taken me so long to send another update but many things have taken place in the last two months. Today it has been six month since Cindy passed away. It still does not seem real. Some days I find myself expecting her to walk through the door at any time and most days I wait for her to call me by name or laugh at something I said or wrote. It's amazing how much you miss things that sometimes made you mad like her correcting my grammar. Oh how I wish she were here to do that now.
Two weeks ago I had major surgery on my back L1-L5. I have been putting off the surgery for several years. The last two years for obvious reasons and I also wanted to wait as long as possible because honestly back surgery has always scared me. I am recovering and getting better each day. I have to admit the first week was terrible. My surgery was supposed to be out patient one to two hours. It ended up taking over seven hours and a week in the hospital. When I first got home I thought I might have made one of the worst decisions in my life because I was hurting so bad. But as I said things are much better now. The surgery did not go without its problems. During surgery the doctors had to work to regulate my blood pressure. First it was to low then to high. In the process my right eye did not maintain enough oxygen and for now I have lost some of the sight in my right eye. The eye doctor said it is nerve damage and will hopefully return to normal in the next six months. If it doesn't they can not do much to improve it since it is a nerve problem not an eye problem. It does not hurt but is very aggravating. Please pray for my sight to come back and that my back will continue to heel. I know from talking to many of you about this that you are concerned about whether or not my sight comes back. I too am concerned but please understand that this will not change my outlook. This is just another bump in the road and I will come out on the other side and do fine.
Emily and Jeannie are doing great. They both are maintaining great grades in school. (Thank you Cindy for your smarts!) We are able to laugh with each other and we have been spending real quality time with each other on trips to see friends and relatives or by spending time together at home. Both girls have been so helpful to me since my surgery and have stepped up to take on responsibilities that have helped them grow and helped me let go of some things. God has truly blessed me with wonderful daughters.
My family has helped so much and in so many ways. My family in Alabama and in Tennessee have all went out of their way to help us in the lat months and since my surgery. My church family has also continued to be a big part of our lives. Again God continues to bless us with loving, compassionate and giving people. It is so awesome to have such a family!
We are looking forward to this summer. We have plans to go visit many relatives and spend time together. I am looking forward to being over my back surgery and working hard to improve my health for the future. I am very lucky to have some very inspirational people around me. Brian, Julie, Josh, Olsa, Holly, Aaron just to name a few you know how much each of you have inspired me to do better with my health and grow as a Christian. Thank you.
The girls and I have ben going to counseling at Alive Hospice where Cindy was taken care of before she passed away. I truly believe it is helping us coop with our lose and it has also helped me to focus on the hurt that I and so many other people go through. I believe this is another path that God is leading me down to help get me ready for the future. One thing that really stands out from these sessions is how important it is to listen. Most of the time people do not want an answer they just need someone to listen. If you know of someone that is hurting or struggling find away to sit down and listen and be honest and let them know that you don't have all the answers but you can be there for them. God again has blessed me with people who care for me and my daughters and who listen. They do not pretend to have all the answers or even understand what we are going through but they care enough to be there for us anyway.
I pray that everyone had a great Easter and that each of you celebrated the fact that our savior rose from the grave. Without this fact Christianity would be just another religion. With this fact it is the only religion that provides a path to salvation.
Thank you again for your emails, prayers and friendships.
In Christ
Mark
Why do you fight back? By Cindy Farley
by Mark Lewis on Wednesday, April 28, 2010 at 12:22pm
Below is an email I received earlier today from Cindy Farley who was one of my wife's co-workers.
Hi Mark,
I hope this email finds you and your family doing well. I hope your recovery from your recent back surgery is going well and that God has laid his healing hands upon you.
I wanted to share a speech with you. As you may remember, I live in Southern Kentucky and have been asked to give the Fight Back ceremony speech Friday night in my hometown. This will be my second time in having this honor. Last year, I spoke about cancer and cancer research but this year, I was struggling with inspiration. It hit me one night as I lay trying to come up with an idea.
Cindy and your family inspired me so much during your battle against her disease and so I based my speech on that inspiration. I say “your” battle as it involved your family as a whole. I wanted to share the speech with you. I hope that I can represent your family well in the speech. Please let me know if there are things that you prefer I didn’t share. I definitely do not want to offend you in anyway.
In Christian love,
Cindy
Why do you fight back?
"Each of us is out here tonight because we know someone who has been affected by cancer. Some are here to remember those that have lost their battle. Some are here to celebrate those that have won the battle. The battles may be won or lost….but the war isn’t over, which is why we are all here to fight back.
As many of you may know, I work in cancer research everyday……..and sometimes, yes, it’s “just my job”. But more times than not – it’s my personal way of fighting back against a disease that has affected more people that I care to count. I want to share with you a story of someone in my life that lost her battle a few months back….and how it inspired me to keep fighting!
Cindy was in her 30s when she was diagnosed with cancer a few years back. Cindy was one of those people that you couldn’t help but love. She was happily married and had two young and beautiful daughters. A few weeks prior to her death, we were informed by her husband that Cindy was in the hospital and there were no further options. A group of us went to visit Cindy. Through the many tears that day, we managed to laugh…until Cindy suddenly broke down and said, “I am not ready. I don’t know how to do this”.
On October 6th, 2009, Cindy lost her battle. As I sat in the funeral home with other co-workers and “work family” I watched as her husband greeted each person entering and accepted condolences with a smile and a “Thank You – she’s not suffering anymore and we are so happy about that.” I thought to myself, “Wow – I can’t believe he is up there with a smile on his face – how is he holding up like that?” I, meanwhile, can’t hold it together as I watch Cindy’s photographs play on the television screens. Then, when I think I finally have my self calmed down – the youngest daughter comes in and sits down beside her uncle – who immediately tells her she feels likes she is running a fever – her aunt, a nurse confirms that she is “burning up”. At that moment, I had to leave – because all I could think was “Poor child…and her mom isn’t here. When a child is sick – who do they typically cling to – their mother. Hers is gone”. I worried about the girls, their dad, and oh – what is he going to do when they become teenagers. How are they handling it so well? It absolutely crushed me….and inspired me all at the same.
Little did I know that Cindy and her husband had been very transparent with what was going on. They had talked from her diagnosis on about what could happen. They planned for the future. The girls knew that plans were in place. They talked openly about the future and what it could hold and how Cindy would handle it if she were here. The whole family was very strong in their faith….and in their commitment to each other.
A few weeks after Cindy’s death, her husband emailed us . He spoke of how he and Cindy were the best of friends and how his heart was torn apart daily by grief, memories and the hurt that has come to him and his family. He talked about how he knew time will help heal…but that he didn’t want to heal at that time. He didn’t want to forget or get used to the idea of her being gone. He wanted to be angry and mad…..
Mostly, he spoke of how his life had been changed forever due to the influence of Cindy in his life. He spoke of how his children were kind, loving, and giving because of their mother. To him, there could never be a better wife, daughter, mother, sister or friend. He stated that he would not let her death be his or his daughters end. In the final paragraph, he told how he and Cindy spoke about how he would deal with his loss when the time came, Cindy would say "you have a story to tell and I know you will tell it". Lastly – he spoke of how he knew many, many lives had been changed and made better by her presence. I can attest that my life had been changed by her presence.
I tell that story because I find such inspiration from those that have suffered losses and yet they are some of the biggest warriors in the war. When I think of Cindy, I think of her family and their commitment to continue to fight the war, although their favorite soldier lost the battle. I will always think of the way she inspired all of us and reminded her co-workers that “it’s not just a job”.
Tonight, in my challenge to you, I ask that each of you draw inspiration from that soldier you know –and make your pledge to continue to fight back. "
Cindy,
This is a great gift to my family and Cindy's memory. As I have said many times I have prayed that God would show me the reasons why Cindy and my family had to go through this thing called cancer. Your speech, your passion and the inspiration that you received from our battle helps me to understand. I pray that everyone that reads this will be inspired to fight the battle and to encourage those around you to do the same.
Thank You
Love
Mark, Emily and Jeannie
Lewis Family Update 5-31-10
by Mark Lewis on Sunday, May 30, 2010 at 11:58pm
Remembered
Have you ever emptied your emotions, I mean completely emptied them only to realize that the hurt and fear had not left? Have you ever sat up in the middle of the night only to realize that you are alone, scared and confused not sure who you are and where you’re going, weak from the emotional drain? I do. I tell you this not to scare you or torment you or even make you hurt but I want you to know how much Cindy meant to me. I am so blessed to have had her as my wife my friend and my best motivator. It hurts me to know that at times I under appreciated her while she was here. Many of you have read as I tried to share my hurt and pain during a very emotional Mother’s Day. Your encouragement has helped and continues to motivate me to make it through each day. Believe it or not a few months back I even thought I might have this grief under control. I was wrong and oh how much it still hurts.
I tell you this because many of you feel and do the same as I do. You are not alone. As I sit here writing this to you tears flow and thoughts race through my head. Thoughts of love, memories of sharing, times of uncontrolled love for my wife and for the life we shared together. These are God’s gifts. They are gifts to all of us who have lost something that we cherished. The problem most of us have is the fact that we first have to accept the gift. We have to open our eyes to it and realize what we had and what we still have. Grief, anger and stress are like a fog in our lives. They keep us from seeing the complete gift that God so much wants us to accept and enjoy. I pray that what ever fog is in your life will be lifted so that you also can receive the blessed gifts that God has for you. You only have to see his ultimate gift of his son to truly understand how much he loves each of us and how he wants us to put our complete trust in him in what ever trial we go through.
This Monday is a special time for our country. A time to remember those that have gave so much, even their life. Monday the 31st is also Cindy’s birthday. She also gave so much during her life. So much that I can hardly make it through a day without reflecting on what she has meant to me and what her life did to change mine. It hurts to think about but is still so true, she is here. She is in my daughters, in my thoughts, my decisions, my emotions. She is in the love that I give others and the love they give me. I pray that we all share the love that has been given to us. It’s never too late to start and it can be very contagious. Do it for those that have come before you and for those that will come after you.
1 Corinthians 13:11-13
11 When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things. 12 For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known. 13 And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is Love.
Love, what better way to be remembered on Memorial Day 2010?
Yours in Christ
Mark
Lewis Family Update 2/25/2011
by Mark Lewis on Friday, February 25, 2011 at 2:08pm
Wow it’s been quite some time since I last posted a Lewis update. This has been due to many things going on in my life. Not the least is the opening of the new bookstore Cindy Lou’s. I basically went from not having much that I had to do each day to having more than I could handle some times. Don’t get me wrong I love what I do now and that means so much but it just proves that none of us know what’s around the corner. And if you think you do just wait because your world will change before you know it.
Again I have to stress like I do in each letter just how blessed I am with everyone that surrounds me. This comes from my family, Church, Facebook friends and now my customers at the store. You would not believe how much the people of Mount Juliet TN have come out to support our store and cause. I here of people sharing our story to strangers when they the person telling the story were just strangers three months ago. God is awesome!
Both my girls seem to be doing well right now. They always blow me away with how grounded they are and continue to do well in school. Emily enters high school next year and Jeannie middle school. (la, la,la,la!!!) That’s me pretending they aren’t growing up! They were blessed to have a great example in Cindy and some many great people helping me now as they grow.
I basically just wanted to tell each of you that we are doing well. Not a day goes by that I don’t think of Cindy and stop to reflect on what the next day will bring without her being here beside me. Has it gotten easier? Some days it seems to be but other times I still fight to keep it all together. I guess it might always be this way? I know God is watching over us and I also know that because of the trials I have been through I have had so many new people come into my life. Some have come into my life so that I can help lift them up and others to help lift me up.
My hope for each of you is that you open your eyes and look for a reason any reason to help others. Even the small things can bring hope to some one’s life. Look at me I sell used books and now have opportunities every day to interact with people in a positive way. Don’t get me wrong not everyone wants something positive in their life but most do. I pray God continues to bless me with this gift to share some hope with others even when things seem hopeless. Never give up and never settle for what this world can offer. Make your own positive path in life and never let your situation make it for you. I know this is harder to do than it sounds but that doesn’t mean we give up trying.
Thank you for your love, your words of encouragement and your prayers on my families behalf.
Mark
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